Resoluted..

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Happy New Year, friends!

I hope your night was magical- filled with sparkles, party dresses, horns, and boisterous shouts of merriment. Yes, indeed, more magical than my merriment of blue fleece pajamas on the couch.

Do you make a resolution(s)?

I try to, but it always takes me a few days.

Last year, I was able to knock out a few..

The upstairs got painted, I finished grad school (Hallelujah!!), Sp. Ed. conferences were attended, and Bible Studies were continued.. But I didn't run a half. Despite me trying to sign up 6 MONTHS early, it was already full. Meh, oh well.

So after some thoughtful consideration, here are mine this year, ranging from obscure to serious.

Ye Ole Lofty Goals of 2012

1) Still continue to try to run a Half Marathon. I reallllly want to.

2) Be able to continue blogging. Maybe even add that little Disqus tab thingy so I can comment back?? Have you seen it?

3) Actually finish my quilt. I finally pieced the top together, but then promptly came to a screeching halt. I just need to zip zip zip the batting and back together. Easy peasy.

4) Save money. I mean, shouldn't we all?

5) Maybe branch out of school speech therapy world and venture back into the hospital waters again. No, not quit my precious job, but maybe just blend the two? But much better than oil and water, even thought they couldn't be more different.

6) My last one, and most personal, is one that I don't know how to even name or describe to you in a simple sentence. Perhaps as mostly women readers, you'll understand? Maybe you can relate or have felt this way. Or maybe not. High five, if you haven't.

I think for the last year or so I've been in a fog. Confused. On autopilot. Whatever you want to call it. Doing well, personable, and sociable, but just checked out. This feeling has slowly burned over time, starting off as a bit of smoke, and now, a full on bonfire. It's only been recent that I've really paid attention, despite its continued presence and self- medicating with "Emotional Rolaids".

 After some pondering, I think the root of it is I've just been "safe" or "just fine". Backwards, I know- but stay with me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with either of these emotions, but I suspect that both of these have led me to feel so conflicted. I've tried to please others to the point I have diminished any kind of personal opinions I might have to non-existent. As women, sometimes we can cater to others in such a way that you could wind up losing yourself, at your own expense. I can confidently tell you I have no earthly idea who I am. Not a clue. Why do I care what she says or what they don't do? What he tells me or what I should need. And all of this? It's made me worrisome and insanely self-conscious. Traits that no one should have consistently, at this intensity.

I dunno, perhaps this is a case of "the growing-up's". That everyone feels blind at some point, and this is just my turn. A dear friend of mine calls it being "in her winter", where it's cold and lonely and she finds it difficult to see the fruit of her life, even though she knows that it's there. Perhaps that is it? Maybe...

 So here's another resolution for me and you- let's really find out who we are this year. Like some corny line from a book or magazine, I really mean it. I want to find what makes me tic, what I like and don't, even if that means actually feeling, the good and the bad, to get me there. Make an effort. Whaddya say?

On writing overload? I'll leave you with a fitting cartoon.