Awkward- Awesome Thursday

Awkward:

- My "spiciness" level. Stay with me here. A few years ago I could totally handle me some spice. Mexican foods, grill rubs, and exotic tastes didn't bother me a bit. Not so much as a flicker of pain. Now it seems that tomatoes from a jar give me an extreme lash of heat on my tongue. Sorry mild salsa, I miss you, too.

-The rest of the summer. I wish I could tell you more. I can't. The rest of the summer will be painfully awkward. It makes me want to close my eyes and let out one HUGE belly breath. No, I'm not pregnant.

- My Birchbox subscription keeps getting weirder and weirder. I know I signed up for new, funky items, but bizzare samples are what I'm getting. You might be done soon, Birchbox.


Awesome:

- Have you seen that little book, Awkward Family Photos ? It's been on the shelf for a few months. Basically, a mass collection of... well, awkward family photos. Without fail, I have to re-read it a few times when I pop into a book store. I'm the one laughing and crying like a hyena in the corner.

- New Music Thursday! New Music Thursday! AWOL Nation's new CD is great. As is old/new favorites Coldplay and Ray LaMontagne. How did I not love them this much a few years ago? Perfect, I tell you. 

- Just recently picked up Maybelline's SuperStay 10HR. LipStain. Whoa Nelly, I am loving it! Good subtle color, like you've just had a popsicle. Without the stickiness or calories.



-  I'll give you just a teensy hint about my latest DIY. So quick and so chic! More about it later!





Awkward-Awesome Thursday...

 Oh, hey friends.
 It's been so long since we've talked. And I've really missed you! Work, work, work has kept me feeling like some crazed bumble bee you can't swat- buzzing around all over the place. But, now that I have a minute, let's catch up, shall we?

Awkward:

- Attempting to drink a gulp of Mtn. Dew but having it just run out of your mouth. Whilst others watch you.  Yes, a fine example of motor planning, indeed.

- Christian Grey. See also: Awesome.

- Learning that some things are completely beyond my grasp and beyond my control. This week, especially, has been profoundly trying. I feel like I'm on a beach, wearing my coconut bra and hula skirt, watching a tsunami wave grow and grow. Rising up to pelt the daylights out of me...But you know, sometimes, the only way to deal with things is not to run but just go right through them. Weather the storm as best as you can, and then pick up the banged up pieces later. I think I'll tighten my coconut bra straps tighter, now.

Awesome:

-Shhhhhhhhhh... Don't tell. Back around Christmas time, a good work pal and I popped into a local store. On a TOTAL whim, she grabbed a job application.  And then grabbed one for me, too. Apparently, I was to be her "wing man" and fill it out also. Well, we both got the job. Gulp. Was I looking for a 2nd job? No. Had I even considered doing anything else, even part-time? No. What's that you say? Where are we? I'm not sure I can tell you. But I'll let you guess. Here's a hint. It starts with an "A"........and rhymes with "Thropologie".

- Man, I am digging sequins lately. Yes, Tina-Turner-back-up-singer-Proud-Mary-Keep-on-Rolling sequins. I've wanted an all sequin T-shirt or blouse or... something for awhile, now. Just a little over the top bling. So when I found this sequin moto jacket from MJR sales, I knew it was perfect. And for 14.99? Bingo.

- A side note about MJR sales. This lady turned me onto the site. Basically, they take over all of Express' and Victoria's Secret's (and a few more brands) leftovers and re-sell. For a much cheaper price. My new moto jacket will be from Express. Bras, undies, shoes, dresses, men's, you name it. You just gotta dig around, though. You're welcome.

-No really... shhhhhh... shhhhhhh... if you are looking for a new book series: Fifty Shades of Grey. That's all I'll say.

-  From one of my sweet families, beautiful burnt orange tulips and a kind word, on the last day of therapy. It's the little things, I tell ya'.

Awkward-Awesome Thursday

Awkward

- Sneezing in the car. You know what I'm talking about. You're driving along, probably in some kind of traffic.  Out of no where the 1812 Dust Bowl hits your nostrils, sending you into a sneezing fit. The rapid fire kind, where you can't hold your head up. Bam. Bam Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Yes, bless you. That scares me, driving drunk driver like, watery eyes, so close to the guard rails. But it always makes me giggle

- The open-ended comment  "You look different today". It's the sister comment to "You look tired" AKA: you look like crap. When you provide me no additional info, it leaves me thinking: Does my outfit not work like I thought it end? Maybe I shouldn't have gotten a haircut?? Is there glue in my hair? Or boogers, for that matter?  And then I have to decide on how to answer it. With a thanks? Or a smile? It makes me sweaty thinking about it.

- I've come to the adult realization that I will never be a single consistent size. Nope. I come to accept this and dress my body how I want. Chalk it up to a weird body shape. Case in point:

I give you some pants. Just a sampling of some current faves. Ain't no shame in my game. I will proudly walk into a store with a 4 and a S top on, and leave with a 12  and an XXL tunic. But it's weird.

Awesome    

-Tomorrow starts my Spring Break. Oh, the freedom of Spring Break. I have missed all-day pajama fests. Let's all hope it doesn't start with a little clean-up, again. 

- To christen said Spring Break, I went for a run. Man, I was huffing it. Trying to steadily run as fast as I could.

 4 miles in 37:21. Thank you Jesus. And then I almost barfed on my shoes.

    

Awkward Awesome Thursday...

Awkward:

* Do you get nervous in a big group of people? Does public speaking bother you? It usually doesn't bother me. Note I say usually. Except for the few times in a random IEP meeting when Dept. of Human Services is involved or when I'm sharing at an ice breaker on a job interview. I talk fast and my hands shake. I give a little squeak/half cough. It's weird.

* Redbox is the devil. That $1 deal gets me everytime. My renting habits are awful, to say the very least. My Friday nites sometimes go like this: Great idea to pick up a movie, stand in 7 hour line along with half of my school and their families to rent said movie, watch movie, and then return it exactly 8 1/2 days later. Perhaps better renting skills will be on next year's resolution list.

Awesome:

* Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions whilst I was debating purses. The search is FINALLY over.. and.. well.. I got none of them. Not even a cognac. On a whim I popped into Dillards and found this beauty on mega clearance:

The Fossil Re-Issue Weekender

...and just maybe I got the matching clutch wallet, too

* I've been running and running. I finally broke the 30 min. mark for a 5k. 29:53 to be exact. A little slow in the beginning, but I'll take it.

* The Hunger Games movie comes out next week! Raise your hand if you are going?!!

Awkward-Awesome Thursday..

Let's all slap hands for almost the weekend!

Annnd another awkward-awesome week...

AWKWARD:

* Up to this point, its been questionable, but as of late its official. I think I've reached adulthood. The law says the legal age is 18. I beg to differ. 27 is more appropriate. I find myself now sporadically thinking about my sodium intake, if should I be investing in something, and political debates. The icing on this adult size cake? I am made an appt. for Stanley Steemer to steam clean the carpets.

* People on the gym equipment next to you singing. Loudly. Off Key. Hey buddy, you're not Michael Bolton or  Prince, so why don't we put a lid on it, hmm? Let's save those "chops" for shower solos.

*And while we are on gym people, the weird, creeper-esque guy repeatedly staring, winking, overtly flexing during my runs. Sir, you look 40 from all of your 'roids, I am 27. It would never work out between us.

*Let's have a serious discussion. Yes, by now, you know I work at a school. So occasionally, I could, in theory, be inclined to hear a little toot-toot from a kiddo, wouldn't you say? Boy, when I hear them it is a STRUGGLE not to laugh. So much so, that often the little darling will ask me why I am shaking all over. It's because you pooted, kid. And I feel weird hearing it.

*Eating a whole bag of Lays Dill Pickle chips. And your tongue swelling from the tartness.

AWESOME:

* Is the weather nice where you are? It's been highly unusual here. Warm and breezy. I'm torn. Yes, I do love flying home from work with the sunroof open. But yes, I do love a snow day. I'll be thankful for both.

*My latest love affair with... cargo pants. I know, I know! More about this later.

* Lays Dill Pickle Chips (see above for the flip side).

* Move over LeVar Burton, I've been reading. A lot.

 Might I recommend The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series and The Hunger Games? Yes, you're welcome.

* February 11. Don't judge.

Awkward-Awesome Thursday

Can you tell I have tons of time on my hands?
My blog posts increase with boredom free time.
 Thanks to high school algebra, I can tell you it's a direct correlation.

 

Awkward:

*Have you guys seen the Citibank commercial- the one where this couple talks about having a great time using their Citibank points, blah blah. But, then you see the lady climbing solo on this:

 Does anyone else find this PROFOUNDLY dangerous???

*I've watched the same pair of shoes on eBay for the last 3 weeks, each time missing the auction. And each time, messaging the seller, giving some cheeky response as to why I missed it. Each time promising the seller "if you re-list it, I will buy it"..whoopsie...

* No matter if I have one day off or or two weeks, as in this case, my diet on a non-working day is AWFUL. RANDOM. I mean, I start off strong, but quickly stumble throughout the day. What possesses me to eat the things I eat? Case in point, let's evaluate my caloric intake today, shall we: small bowl of oatmeal+ blackberries and turkey sausage, six Mrs. Fields thumbprint cookies, whole grain cereal dipped in butter, 3 Tootsie Rolls, Campbell's Chunky Noodle Soup, another round of cereal and butter, a small baking sheet of seasoned fries with Ranch dressing, and a can of mushrooms . Now I feel weird telling you that. Perhaps its a vitamin deficiency....

*Also on a day off, you will find me frequently in some sort of T-shirt and PJ/ sweatpant combo with....a pair of obnoxious shoes. Wedges, heels, summer sandals, whatever I fancy. Just me, and my shoes, obnoxiously snacking...


Awesome:

* Gosh, I can already tell. Just Dance for Xbox is going to change my life. Watch out Black Eyed Peas, I've now got skilllzzz.

*Speaking of shoes and days off, I have the BEST tip ever. Do you have those pesky new leather shoes that are a bit snug, or that you know are gonna rub blisters? Heels, boots, flats. Wet them. Yup, put them on and dunk them in water and then let them dry to your feet. I will commonly take a shower with my new ballet flats on, and then do my chores around the house. You're welcome.

* What is all this buzz about the book series, The Hunger Games? I see the hype about how great the books are, and now there is a movie coming out? It looks great from the trailer- I might have to check this out.

* Man, I'm really digging glasses. The big chunky kind. Ive had them since the 3rd grade, and just now really embracing them. I'm on the hunt for some like this:

Awkward-Awesome Thursday

Awkward

    -Pulling up to a stop light. Car next to me is cutting, smelling, and rolling the fattest cigar I have ever seen. It's 7:00 in the morning. Driver looks away sheepishly. Guess some of us don't need coffee.

  - Explaining to a 5 year old that "No, God really didn't make my legs gray and hole-y like cheese. Yes, yes I promise they are just tights. Um, no, you can't see."

  - Do you ever catch ole Coach Lou Holtz on ESPN? One of the sports commentators?  His lateral lisp is so ferocious, it's like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Awesome

   - Lays Dill Pickle potato chips. A pleasant alternative to heavenly Salt and Vinegar chips.

  - The Twilight: Breaking Dawn soundtrack that I've been blasting since Tues. Do I have all of them so far? Yes, yes I do. On an ACTUAL CD. Don't judge.

  - coming to the realization that some people just can't see the forest for the trees. You wish, hope, pray, beg for a difference. Silence. You beg, plead, pray more fervently. Nothing. But then one day you wake up and realize all the energy you spend wishing, hoping, praying, is all a waste. Because they can't see the larger picture, and never will. And that is ok.

Awkward-Awesome Thursday- School Edition

Kids say the darndest things, don't they?

Working in an elementary school, with little ones, sometimes makes for a silly day. However, I love it- and am blessed by their (mostly) sweet spirits. So today's awesome-awkward is based on the RIDICULOUS things I've actually heard in the past few weeks. So awkward, they give me the giggles all over again.

* "Mrs. Lindsey, are you married to the gym teacher?"

* "Do you have kids? Your belly is big". (Uhhh.. thanks?)

* "My Daddy says the HW you send home is silly and that I don't have to do it". (Oh ok, talk

                        with a lisp forever, then)

* We're playing a phonological awareness game and rhyming some words. Should have known

     that 'truck' is not a good one to start with....

* "Mrs. Lindsey, I smell pooted. Do you know how to do that?"  (Nope)

And although WILDLY inappropriate, my personal fave:

    Child and I are reviewing some SH- picture cards. Shoe, Shark, Sheriff, Shirt, Shaving Cream. Shaggy dog, etc. Face lights up and small tap on the shoulder.

Child: "Hey know what Mrs. Lindsey? My daddy shaves."

Me: "Oh, good? Does a shark shave? Does a shoe shave?

Child: "No! That is so silly!"

          "BUT know what? My daddy shaves his teeter!"

Ummmmm....

Happy Thursday!

Awkward-Awesome Thursday- Medical Edition

Awkward:

     -cat calls from the Valet Parking 'gents. That I have to walk in front of everyday. I mean, really? Really? It's not even 8, I'm wearing scrubs, I have a 1992 clip claw in my hair, and I'm pretty sure I have on yesterday's makeup.

     - talking with a patient about oral hygiene and realizing halfway through my "schpil" she has no clothes on from the waist down. Umm, cause I know I was geeked out, not sure if she felt the same way.

     -trying to convince someone that honey-thick lemon flavored water is "delicious".

    - (insert yelling voice) "no sir, I'm not your daughter. My name is Lindsey. I'm here to see how well you are swallowing. No, not Rubie. No sir, not Leslie. Lindsey. No sir, you almost had it. Yes sir, I know it sounds like Laney. I'm Lindsey". Yeah, I just went with Mindy the rest of the time. 

     - crammed in an elevator with 2 wheelchair'd patients, a floor food cart, 4 other therapists, and an air tank. The silence and eye avoidance was giving me the creeps.

     - watching a robbery take place. The 90 year old thief in question had just guzzled 2 cans of Ensure and had stashed 4 in her wheelchair.

Awesome:

     -I have a boyfriend. He is 89. He tells me the date and shuffles to the calendar to mark it off. We talk about the old days, but I just nod politely. He guesses my age, and every time he gasps in real surprise that I'm 27. It immediately follows with, "You don't look a day over 19". I tell him "it takes one to know one". He roars with laughter.

     -how it is so nice when people go out of their way to make you comfortable, when you are a fish out of water. A cold, flopping fish on the cement.

      - a nice writing pen. Mmm...you know what I'm talking about. The ones that are advertised with a  "comfort grip" and don't glob up all over the place.

     - the shredder box. I just love using one, and the feeling I get when shredding.

Awkward-Awesome Thursday...

Hooray-almost the weekend! It's Thursday, so you know what that means:

Awkward-Awesome Thursday

Here are a few from the past few days:

Awkward...

• having a conversation with a work acquaintance, and being accidentally spit on. ANNND having to pretend you didn't notice.
• being under 65 and loving Danvers Restaurant. Pretty sure they only cater to the Senior Citizen crowd. Man, I love the unlimited Salad Bar.
• trying on clothes at F21, stumbling and falling down in the dressing room. Then, awkwardly saying out loud, "I'm OK".

Awesome...

• packages in the mail! Don't you just love them? I've found some super fab deals on everything from new Sp. Ed. materials to spring sweaters. Woot Woot!
• my latest obsession with making handmade flower rosettes. And putting them on everything. Like, I am swooning over this picture:

• Falling in love with running again. With all of this spring weather, I've been pounding out the pavement. And it's a nice feeling.
• Fainting Goats. Bahaha- I just love them. These are my new pick-up when I need a laugh. Take a look-sie..

                                     



Awkward and Awesome Thursday..

Hooray for Thursday! That just means a day closer to the weekend. I thought I'd kick my heels up and celebrate early with a few awkward awesome moments from the week..

Awkward:
  - You are walking down the hall. You approach another person walking down same hall. You go left. He goes left. You step right. He steps right. You do that awkward- shuffle- face-to-face- stutter step. For an extended period of time. Like, it seemed for-evuh... eek.

-Meeting a friendly new face, for the first time. (Hooray!) You chit-chat and they ask you what you do. You stutter and tell them speech therapist. They give you a skeptical look.. way to go, Linds.. 

- Local commercials. You know, the ones shot and produced in your hometown. Bad lighting, camera angles, the works. What is their purpose?? I am watching a GI medical doctor group commercial now, complete with a jingle about your colon. I am mildly weirded out..

Awesome:
- the mystical, creative genius known as Jimmy Fallon. I can't say enough about how much I love his show. His style, the impressions, his silliness, and the Roots as the house band. 'Nuff said.

  - Gardetto's Rye Garlic Crisps. You might know them as the brown bread circles in a bag of Chex Mix. They FINALLY make a bag of just the brown bread circles. Blisssss..

- A precious kiddo, smiling up at me, and asking "If I would be his girlfriend?".  I told him "no way- Miss Lindsey is 100 years old". I think he believed me.

-The hubster telling me we have only 4 more months of paying for school. My eyes still well up at the anticipation of that relief.


 OK-I need to run.. Jimmy is on, and my Gardetto's are calling my name..

Awkward and Awesome Thursdays...err, Friday

Happy Fwiday (speech slang for TGIF)! Here's to a semi-sane week! Recently, a pal sent me a link of a lovely, little blog. Indeed, quite lovely. After stalking her blog leisurely reading a few posts, I have stumbled upon a re-occurring theme-- "Awkward and Awesome Thursdays". Yeah, you get the idea. Head scratchin' thoughts to ponder on all things weird and wonderful. 

                                     

What a hoot! After laughing at a few, I am pleasantly reminded of how "fearfully and wonderfully made" we all are. Forget about what others think of you! This month, I am gonna relish in my awkwardness-- and wince painfully at yours, too!

Awkward: -wearing tights to work. Point of clarification- wearing ripped tights all day, after an "overaggressive" therapy session, at 8:00 in the morning. 

                       - having a kiddo (much later in the day) tell you "your rip looks like the letter /F/"...... uhh thanks??

                       - Unknown caller: "May I speak to Lindsey, please?"

 You: "It is she"( or is it: "I am her", "Here I am", "It is me".. so weird)

                      - Driving home( still with tights on), catching the car next to you fervently picking their nose. They notice too. Awkward eye exchange. (Do you smile/ nod/ look away/ pretend you were looking at something else?)

Awesome: -my current obsession with Krylon Satin Almond spray paint

                      - Ann Taylor Loft's jewelry line...but it might be awkward that I like it. I am turning into a Maw Maw.

                            -a PK kid FINALLY understanding the difference between over and under..whew..

                     -my manly husband needing Vitamin C Gummi Bears.